Living Aboard a Sailboat - Part 1

One man said to his wife, “Honey, lets buy an old used sailboat and live aboard.”

“You’re crazy” She exclaimed.  “Give up our cozy house for a small head and damp mattress?”

And, that’s how it often goes. Rarely is a couple equally enthusiastic about sacrificing home comforts for a used sailboat, even if it’s headed for paradise.  If your spouse isn’t fit for living aboard, this article may not change that, But, the following experiences/steps describe how my wife and I arrived at “yes”

1) Share the dream:

“Honey, you know what I would love to do…” Sharing this dream, even within the context of marriage, can leave one feeling vulnerable.  Will she thinks it’s ridiculous, a passing phase/midlife crises, or worse, will she feel threatened and insecure—responding with, “Aren’t you happy here?” Uprooting seldom produces comfortable feelings. 

On the other hand, if an extended boating adventure genuinely holds your heart, then, discussing it is important.  Sharing the dream, like most vulnerabilities has the potential to bring you closer, and perhaps sail you over the horizon.

 

Broaching the “live aboard” subject needs to occur when the couple is alone, confident, and comfortable. For us it was a lazy sailing day.  One arm draped over the tiller and a hat pulled down over my eyes.   We were talking and dreaming:  “Imagine having a boat big enough to spend the weekend.  If it had a stove and reasonable bathroom we could go for longer.  Many colleagues work from home, so why not a “floating home?”  We could we live where the sun shines more.”

My wife’s job was ending; as was her appreciation for Vermont’s overcast.  She knew my distaste for working from an office cube and, in contrast, my excitement for working from a boat.  Finally, the discussion concluded with “There just look at some boats”

2.  Explore together:

Searching for a boat was exciting to me.  But, unless you have a passion for it, boat hunting is exhausting.  Plan your search with respect for one another’s tolerance.  This may mean shortening the self absorbed hours spent perusing boats on yachtworld.com. “Hello! I said dinner is READY!” “Oh… On my way.

Internet searches are an obvious, good first step but eventually it’s time to visit the
“A“ list.  These boats are within driving distance and, at least on paper, meet most needs.   Every boat design feature involves compromise.  You might visit a boat that provides a meaningful learning experience (Catermarane or Trimaran).  

Traveling to visit boats can be draining, or not.  For some, the undistracted hours driving together can be quality relationship time.  For those who don’t drive well together, consider these questions to better understand each others needs, concerns, and excitement about “the boat initiative.” 

·         How do you envision life aboard.

·         What part of this vision is most appealing?

·         What do you fear the most about this venture?

·         What boat qualities are most important to you?

·         How will you feel if we find the perfect boat/price today.

·         How do you think this purchase/ trip/ lifestyle change, will impact our relationship?

Improve used sailboat hunting by planning trips to include places of interest (not boat related).  Pack a surprise gift for each trip.   Keep your travel radius to whats reasonable to the less interested party.

Once at the boatyard, respecting her tolerance meant not  discussing every detail with the broker, while she drowned in boredom.  When my hand got squeezed twice, it was time to go.

The last boat:  Most couples recognize the “right” boat in less than ten minutes of stepping aboard.  When that happens…  The ride home becomes very interesting.

 3.  Making the decision:

At decision time, one person may get more excited, while the other, more worried. Here is how we dealt with that.  I hope you will glean from these comments the purposeful prioritizing and genuine respect that underlies our words.  Your words will likely be different and thus more natural for your relationship. 

Here’s what I said to Viviana:  “This vision is very exciting to me but, if we get this boat, and you don’t like living on it, let’s agree that you will (must) tell me, and we will sell it without arguments or guilt-trips.  Of course, it will be disappointing, but we’ll work through that together.  Meanwhile, I accept that disappointment now, in advance, should we decide it’s not good for our marriage. “

My parents (married 64 years at the time of this writing) say this about making important decisions: “If it’s not good for our marriage we don’t do it.”  And yes, they owned a sailboat. 

Putting the marriage first can present a real sacrifice, but rarely regret.  If there are regrets, well, then, from within the context of a healthy relationship, most decisions (especially with regards to boat buying) can be revisited later.

We did buy the boat.  And much sweet went into making her (the boat) ready.  Priority was give to her boating needs (stove and head) were among the first projects completed.   We lived aboard for two weeks and, thankfully…  She liked it!